Wednesday and we are finally going home today. After 24 long days we get to take our baby girl home- not under the circumstances I had originally expected, but home nonetheless.
The day that Heidi and I left home, I was thinking we would be gone for a day or two and be back home soon after. The whole time I was in Hedland and the first week in Perth, I was still optimistic and thought Heidi was just having trouble feeding. It was only at the precise moment that the doctor actually said the words "severe brain damage-never get better" that my hopes were smashed. When he told us that she would never be capable of anything other than breathing, I heard him say it, but it took a day or so for it to sink in.
From that moment on, our lives changed forever. We are going to change as individuals, as a couple, and as a family unit. We just need to make sure the changes don't have too much of a negative impact on our relationships with each other.
Evening- We made it home, and the reality of what is about to happen is sinking in. We have brought Heidi home and now the really hard part begins.
Walking into the house, and then into the bedroom was a huge shock that I wasn't expecting. Seeing the room where she was born and we were so happy and full of hope, was like a slap in the face to me.
I can't believe what's happening. We have just come home with our beautiful baby daughter and she is going to die soon. I had a mild panic attack about how quickly it will probably happen. In Perth, I was thinking how we would have plenty of time with her, but it's going to be over before I know it. I want a bit longer, but I know that no time will be long enough. I just need to love her and let her go.
She is quite unsettled tonight after the plane trip, so I'm expecting to be awake quite alot.
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