Friday today. Day 25 (yesterday) was a bit of a blur because we were all so tired. The first night home, Heidi was reasonably settled, but I had food poisoning (airplane food I think) and was up all night with stomach cramps and trips to the loo. It was awful not just because I felt sick, but because it was distracting my attention away from Heidi.
So yesterday I was so tired and not feeling 100%. I did get to just hang out at home and hold Heidi so that was nice.
Last night was better and D and I both got some sleep so we feel better today. E went to school today and D is staying to do parent help (S is with him).
Still can't really believe this. My beautiful baby girl is dying. I can hear her and smell her and feel her soft warm skin and I just can't imagine her not being here.
She is calm and settled most of the time, so I hope she doesn't feel any pain.
This morning B kept wanting to kiss her and would call out to me whenever she cried. And now Stella is fussing over her and singing to her when she cries. Gorgeous kids.
I don't really think Heidi has long left. Maybe a couple of days. As much as I don't want her to suffer, I want more time. But nothing will be long enough.
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2 comments:
Sending you lots of love and hugs, I hope putting your thoughts out there is good therapy:)
Just popped in to see if you've updated see there's quite a few new entries, I imagine it is pretty grueling emotionally to get it up on the blog, but a wonderful way to acknowledge Heidi's time here.
*hugs*
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