Day twentyone- first outing

Sunday and another week over (or just beginning I suppose). We took Heidi out of the ward for the first time yesterday. They had a pram in the ward for people to use, so we put her in and went down to the playground for awhile. The kids played and we sat watching them holding Heidi. Took heaps of photos and a woman walked past and took one of all of us which was nice. We then went to the coffee shop to feed the kids, and then they wanted to go up to the Starlight room.
Heidi was settled most of the time but she seems to like movement. She was asleep and quiet as long and we rocked the pram.

It is so hard holding this beautiful, breathing, warm, alive, perfect looking baby, knowing that she is going to die soon. But it is also incredibly wonderful holding her and smelling her sweet baby smell, gazing upon her perfect face, and rocking her to soothe her cries.
We had her out with us for a few hours before she was due to go back for a feed. D took her back while I stay in the Starlight room until it closed.

I went back up to the ward to wait for Colleen. She was running late so we thought we better go in and see the doctor anyway, with the kids in tow. S had a huge meltdown which was frustrating but couldn't be helped. Dr H was hopeful we could be on our way home by the end of next week, depending on how things work out. He needs to find out if we need to travel with a nurse (hope not!) and he still has to speak to the doctor at home.

D and I have spoken about going to see a funeral director while we are still in Perth. As hard as it will be, it be so much harder trying to do it afterwards.
Dad is going to be here tommorrow and my sister is coming. I don't want to deal with other people right now and I think we are entitled to be a bit selfish. We will probably get dad to watch the kids for us at times, but apart from that there's nothing we need. Dad is concerned that they had to be here in case Heidi died over the weekend, but I told my sister that I think she will hold on until we get home.
I think today after we've been in to see Heidi, we will go into the city to do some christmas shopping for the other kids. Last thing we feel like doing, but if we don't do it now then we probably won't get a chance later on. We have to go the whole christmas thing for the sake of the other kids.